Oh yeah, I totally understand. Sometimes selective amnesia is the best!

I think with some notable exceptions (abusive/neglectful parents) most parents really do try to do the best by their children. Alas, sometimes life gets in the way – jobs are lost – depression sets in – we run out of patience. I read once that “the atonement covers parenting too”- and I sure hope, when I fall short, the atonement covers those gaps. The little knocks and bruises of childhood serve a purpose; they teach us resilience and self-confidence. But I hope, when my kids look back on their childhood, the good outweighs the bad and they remember the fun we had together, more than the times I growled at them.

Wow! Thank you Becca! First, your dad sounds like a great guy. And how sad about his upbringing. I do think every generation wants to do better by their children, even those with pretty rockstar parents. It’s just natural (and good). Second, I know what you mean about the atonement. I have had to forgive people for the hurt they’ve caused me as well, and I know I only could do so through the Atonement. I guess when I said “if I think about it, the hurt is still there” is that despite forgiving, and removing those hurts, I can still remember them. They are still part of my past, my life, my history. So, while I do believe I’ve accepted Christ’s gift of the atonement to cover the hurt and disappointment (and to change my heart), I can still remember how I felt, because it happened. Does that make sense? I guess I just choose not to remember the hurt, because I don’t still hurt.

In our home Santa brought the stockings but Mom and Dad gave us the under-the-tree presents. My mom used to say, “I don’t want some stranger from the North Pole taking the credit for all my hard work!” My parents generally hit it out of the park on Christmas morning. Like one year, my dad made me and my little sister each a doll’s cradle, they bought us each a new baby doll, and my mom sewed some more clothes for the dolls. How unbelievably Normal Rockwell is that? The coat was an anomaly.

I never felt poor on Christmas; but then we lived in a place that was so poor, my dad, on a teacher’s salary, supporting a family of 7, was towards the higher end of the income scale. And for my dad, that was absolute wealth compared to the way he was raised. When I was in high school my mom told me that, the entire time he was growing up, my dad never even got a birthday cake; and there were generally no presents on birthdays or Christmas. She said that, for my dad, giving us girls good birthdays and Christmases was a real priority, because of the way he’d grown up. Man, now you’ve made me cry, just thinking about it!

But I really wanted to comment on what you said – about how the hurt is still there. I’m about to get preachy here, so feel free to tune out. This year has been an amazing year of personal growth for me. I’ve finally learned to let go of some decades-old hurt of my own. And the key, for me, was in embracing the atonement more fully – in recognizing that we don’t have to hold grudges, we don’t have to feel the sting of past hurts, because He has already taken those upon Himself. And what is more, in realizing that by continuing to hold on to these things, we are saying, “What you did in the garden, it wasn’t enough to cover this. This hurt is bigger than you.” Nothing can be bigger than that! Finally, I realized something so basic, and so important, about forgiveness – When we sin, we sin against God. When people hurt us, they will be answerable to God – We won’t even come into it. I have a sister who disowned me nearly 20 years ago because I didn’t marry a Mormon. This affected me for so many long, hard years. But now I know, when the final judgement comes, God won’t say, “Becca, how do you feel about your sister? What do you think I should do here?” I won’t even come into it, because the sin is not against me – it is against God. Recognizing this made it so much easier to lift the burden of the grudge. What is the point in holding on to that hurt, if the debt has already been paid by Christ when He knelt at the foot of that tree? He took that pain on Himself, so that I would not have to carry it. What is the point in holding on to that hurt, if I won’t even come into it on the day of final judgement? God doesn’t need my recommendation; He is a better judge than I could ever be. I forgave her years ago; but finally letting go of that was the best present I have ever received – and it was there all along, this gift of the atonement, but I turned my back and refused to accept it because I thought it should come in a prettier box (in this case, her laying on the ground in abject misery as her tears washed the dirt off my feet). Anyway. I know our situations are different; but I also know that you can let go of past hurt and no longer give it a place in your heart – because Christ suffered, not only for our sins, but for every hurt, every slight, every disappointment we have ever felt, so that we can move forward in happiness and peace. That is the true meaning of Christmas.

You are a great mom Mandy. And it sounds like you are doing well by your kids. I think we haven’t been as diligent with keeping it out of girls’ hearts, but thankfully they are still young, right? We do Santa but don’t overemphasize it, nor do we have cable or watch TV. But there is still more we can do in our attitudes as parents…

As you may know, we have worked very hard to keep commercialism out of our girls’ lives. A big part of that has been not watching TV. It’s so nice that our girls very rarely say they “want” something.

People keep asking me, what are A&B asking for for Christmas? I usually laugh and say, they don’t know they *can* ask for things. Seriously. It’s just never been a part of what we do, so the whole concept feels so foreign.

Part of me wonders if I’m doing them a disservice, though…not allowing them to express their own will (almost???)?

I figure their “wants” will come in time…probably after this year of school. I’m guessing their classmates are talking about what Santa will bring (we don’t do Santa, by the way).

I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I’m enjoying their simple spirits…and hoping I’m not scarring them too much! 😉

Great post!