Comments on: The Spender VS The Saver: How to Keep the Peace During the Holidays

By: Anne

Anne — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 12:06:46 +0000

First, I’m now the saver, hubby is the spender still. Christmas past always went like this….I bought the gifts for friends and extended family, we went shopping for kids, I bought for husband and self (I know, but this way I get things I’ll actually use). Which translates to way too much, as we started out with only so much and ended up going over budget because he felt Christmas needs to be a certain way (cool stuff, no lasting value, but a Christmas to remember!) and I’m a pushover. It also means stuff he wanted to give, not what the person getting it wanted. And topping up gifts to make it even for everyone.

Fast forward to present. I set a budget and save all year to get there. I tell him the budget, and we ask for ideas from the gang, we then go shopping with a set spending goal. Last year we went overbudget by $3.52.

He still struggles with guilt because we don’t buy every thing without a thought. The kids guilt us with “Is that all?” Christmas gifting is about wants, not needs at our house. Sometimes there’s a teachable moment (even though it’s hard for a couple of the kids to agree with) that Christmas (birthday, etc) is not about the gift or number of gifts.

I struggle with the “You don’t know me, look at what you bought!

Let’s just call it a work in progress. The ultimate goal is perfect gift, grateful recipient, no Christmas hangover debt.

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 05:45:07 +0000

In reply to Becca. Wow! Yes. I do think it's a fine line. You sound like you are doing your best with the situation and your intentions are pure. I wouldn't let it worry you so much if you are being honest with the situation. And I'm slightly jealous you have such a doting mother-in-law.

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 05:43:15 +0000

In reply to Julie. Yup. I'm always looking at our bank account too! And he's looking solely at the benefits. It's all about balancing the two right?

By: Becca

Becca — Wed, 09 Dec 2015 23:41:28 +0000

We’re pretty much on the same page when it comes to spending. But one thing that I still struggle with after 16 years of marriage is that my mother in law’s love language is gift-giving. It’s how she tells people she loves them. That means she goes waaay overboard for the grandchildren (as I’m writing this, two weeks from Christmas, there are 8 presents under the tree from her to each grandchild, and I’m sure there will be more before the big day comes). What complicates matters is that she’s not allowed to buy Christmas presents for one set of grandchildren, because they’re Muslim and their father won’t allow them to have Christmas presents; and with another set of grandchildren, she’s only allowed to buy one present per child. This actually hurts her, because gift giving is how she expresses love; and I know it hurts her (I’ve been spending a lot of time with her recently because of her health problems, so we’ve had a lot of time to talk about it) and so I don’t feel that it’s right for me to say, Enough. And I really am grateful – all of the presents are things my kids will love, even if they don’t need them. But I also feel awkward, because so many people in her life use her, they always have their hands out asking for more, and I don’t want to be that person. I want her to know that I’m spending time with her and taking her to her appointments and so on because I genuinely love he, and not because I expect another present under the Christmas tree. So it’s a fine line between letting her speak her love language, and me feeling bad that she might misconstrue my motives.

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 09 Dec 2015 21:51:49 +0000

I’m like you and my husband is like your husband heh. I’m so always looking at our bank account and he’s looking at the long term benefits of having something.