Comments on: The Terrible Fours and the Impossibility of Handling the Attitude

By: Arlene

Arlene — Mon, 01 Jul 2024 10:22:46 +0000

Hi mums
I’m now Grandma and have a 3.5 year old and 9 month old. My tips for encouraging independence is to be age appropriate manners.
Foods should be kept high and sealed out of reach if full of sugar. No helping selves in between meals
Put fruit slices cheese etc out on plate for hungry kiddies. Absolutely no helping themselves to extra food otherwise you waste your good food on full tummies. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and expect manners . If children slam doors yell scream call names then time out is appropriate. If your kids don’t have a healthy respect for you as mum and dad then chaos reigns. There are so many privileges you can use as a bargaining chip that you have to encourage good manners. The old star chart works because you are affirming and acknowledging good character traits and wholesome behaviour
Your kids are dependant on the adults to set the standards.. A big reward for positive behaviour and teaching skills is one on one play time with a parent .Its ok and appropriate to set up a good routine and schedule for your kiddies day because they need structure .. Free time is letting kiddies use their imagination and encouraging independent activities but expecting respectful interactions with others.
If kiddies make messes help them take responsibility and tidy up put their toys away afterwards it can be a fun way to set a timer and challenge them to finish to fast music..
Another star on the chart. If you catch kiddies doing the right thing, being kind, patient, sharing, listening and obeying on their own give lots of praise celebrate during dinner and give them a big cheer and thanks as a family . When they are having a meltdown a time out can give them space to calm down and try again or talk about it when emotions are not enflamed.. It’s ok to say to your kids Daddy and Mummy are the boss of our house.

By: Jasmine

Jasmine — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 16:42:47 +0000

I just came across this and already stopped reading. I have legit bipolar and for you to use that to describe your 4 year old is really disturbing and disrespectful. Bipolar is no joke and i take offense to you even comparing a 4 year old to this SERIOUS mental illness that is not only embarrassing to have but a daily battle. I sure hope you got you “bipolar” child under control and I truly hope they never have a mental illness considering you throw the words around like its a joke.

By: Taisha

Taisha — Fri, 08 May 2015 16:11:16 +0000

I have to say how much I appreciate reading this because I don’t feel so alone in dealing with the exact same thing in my home. Although I only have one 4 year old, my youngest is nearly 2 and she copies everything her big sister does, so she’s becoming 4 fast. I couldn’t imagine having two 4 year old’s at the same time. Kudos to you!

By: Kyla

Kyla — Fri, 12 Dec 2014 00:49:30 +0000

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your pain and frustration brings me SO much relief and comfort. (Sorry about that 😉 )My four year old daughter has become unrecognizable lately, and there are days where I would rather eat glass than try to wrangle her. She acts like she’s listening but she’s not absorbing a word, I’ve tried everything to get on her level and try to get her to take in what I’m saying. Twisting, turning, screaming and wrenching away in busy parking lots and stores. Tormenting the animals and throwing herself in the floor when we tell her to back off, lest she get scratched or bit (and our animals are very docile but even they can only handle so much). And yes, the lack of gratitude at this age… is frustrating to say the least. But, as you said, we all love our children dearly, I will not ever give up or give in, because she’s going to be an awesome woman one day. So, gonna roll up my sleeves, start getting a little more sleep at night and get back in the ring…

By: Emma

Emma — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 10:28:23 +0000

Yes, yes, yes! You hear so much about the terrible twos, but I actually love the toddler age. It was around 4 (and now 5) that the sassy, back-talking, I-know-everything stage comes out – and that’s far harder for me than any toddler!

By: Jaime

Jaime — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 14:42:19 +0000

My 4-year-old daughter is a feisty one herself. It’s interesting to me that different kids have different “rough” ages. It seems like if 18 months to 3 is really hard, then they simmer down and get easier and easier from then on. But if they are pretty cooperative as toddlers, then watch out as they hit 3 and 4! Just an observation. Who knows, they always keep us guessing!!!

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 11:38:18 +0000

In reply to Jessie. Ha ha ha Jessie. Glad I'm not alone! I keep thinking that five is coming too, though it's still several months away and I"m not sure anything will change. *Sigh* Kids. Good luck!

By: Jessie

Jessie — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 03:51:24 +0000

“If I want independent children, then how can I fully discourage them and discipline them for being their age, for being exploratory, for being strong-willed? ” I have no idea but if you figure it out will you let me know so I can apply it to my own four year old.

Because that whole list- it’s gotta be a four year old thing. She does all the same stuff. refuse to listen? check. screaming? check. kitchen ravaging? double check that one. waking up little sister to play? check. No where in the house is safe to hide things? check.
Although instead of barbie’s hair she’ll just cut anything she finds into tiny pieces.

So thank you I feel much better about my own terrible four year old!
Five is coming… Five is coming…

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 02:36:10 +0000

In reply to Aysh. Hopefully, she'll just get the terrible out now if she's already started... These first few years can be rough! Hang in there Aysh!

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 02:35:35 +0000

In reply to Camille. I don't like when they stomp away either or won't tell you what's wrong. Sometimes it's even something physical, like an owie, and I have no idea because they are just screaming or going on. And thanks! I like to end on a positive note with my posts. Be real, but hopeful, encouraging, right? And thanks! I love the new design so much better than the old one!

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 02:33:45 +0000

In reply to Megan Lisica. Ha. I love that Megan! Maybe when they are teens you'll subtract 10 years instead!

By: Katelyn Fagan

Katelyn Fagan — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 02:31:20 +0000

In reply to Meredith. Thanks for commenting Meredith. I think it'll pass... in time.

By: Megan Lisica

Megan Lisica — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 00:37:03 +0000

I’m sure it’s much more intense with twins!! At our house we add ten years to their age when they get like that…ex. my 3 year old turns 13 and my 5 yr old turns 15…My husband I say to each other, looks who’s a teen today. We’re hoping it makes a laugh a bit more when they are a teen and we can pretend we already lived through it. 😉 Good luck!

By: Aysh

Aysh — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 00:30:39 +0000

Oh my! You just reminded me of my days. My third turned two today… she started the morning with falling to the ground and giving me a whole 20 minutes of tantrum time. Now, I am scared of when she will turn four. 🙂

By: Camille

Camille — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 00:00:56 +0000

These are definitely the times that challenge us the most. Some of my kids will grunt loudly when made then stomp their feet as they run away so I can’t even resolve or even figure out what’s wrong until later- that’s what I dislike the most. I love your ending point though- it doesn’t define who they are. (P.S. Love the new blog design!)