I breastfeed my children. I breastfed my twins for 13 months. Currently I am exclusively breastfeeding my 10 month old son and plan to continue nursing him for several months still to come. And I love it! I think breastfeeding is better than formula (though I am not anti-formula at all. I supplemented my twins with formula), and love the close bond it allows with my children. I also love not having to deal with bottles! I hate bottles (said the women who supplemented twins without a dishwasher)!
However, I didn’t always love breastfeeding. Breastfeeding hurts! And it’s awkward at times. I struggled through the first several weeks of nursing twins, often being surprised that what I had heard and what I had read about breastfeeding wasn’t all true. I found that there are many lies, misconceptions, and breastfeeding myths floating around out there.
To see if I was alone or not in my breastfeeding surprises, I recently asked on my What’s up Fagans? Facebook fan page what nursing moms found the most surprising, what they thought they were lied about in regards to breastfeeding. I was surprised at the amount of engagements and comments I received on the matter! So, I decided to write this post, hoping to clear some of the air, and share the true (painful) reality of breastfeeding, from the mouths of nursing moms themselves (and not those well-intentioned medical professionals and groups).
The following are 11 breastfeeding myths and lies. However, because all women are different, as well as all babies, some may be true for you.
Breastfeeding Myths and Lies
1. If you are doing it right, it shouldn’t hurt.
This one is the biggest, fattest lies about breastfeeding for me and pretty much every nursing mom I know. Breastfeeding hurts! It hurts for a multiple of reasons: engorgement, mastitis, clogged ducts, poor latch, biting, chomping, and pumping. Even if you are doing it right, breastfeeding will hurt! As one of my friends put it “The people that say if shouldn’t hurt, probably never nursed…” One of my friends said that the pain of breastfeeding was worse than her three unmedicated births! She said “Breastfeeding will kick your butt” and cause you “tense up your whole body, make your toes curl kind of pain.”
While a poor latch from your child can cause extra pain and discomfort (one of my twins wouldn’t open her mouth very big and boy did it hurt even more when nursing her), that is only one of the reasons you will experience pain. The reality is, your nipples are not used to constant sucking, and until they toughen up, it will hurt. Nipple creams and things can help, but expect your nipples to be sore, raw, and/or bleeding for at least the first 6-10 weeks.
2. Engorgement only happens when your milk comes in.
In all my reading and breastfeeding courses I had heard that you will experience some engorgement when your milk comes in, but that it should stop after a day or two. What a lie! Engorgement can happen any time during your stint as a breastfeeding mother!
I was so unprepared for this reality of breastfeeding and what it would mean. If your child goes on a hunger strike or experiences an illness, and doesn’t nurse well for a day, expect engorgement.
If your child (blessedly) sleeps through the night (like my twins did, and my son used to ever so long ago), expect engorgement by the morning, and don’t expect to sleep yourself. Because the truth is your engorged breasts will cause you such discomforting, agonizing pain, often leaking milk all over yourself, your clothes, and your bed, that you cannot enjoy the 10-12 hour respite! Engorged breasts are swollen, tender to the touch, and worthy of an adult film. With a swollen chest, it is often hard to lift your arms, wear bras and T-shirts comfortably, and more. Engorged breasts are just another way that breastfeeding hurts!
Because the truth is your engorged breasts will cause you such discomforting, agonizing pain, often leaking milk all over yourself, your clothes, and your bed, that you cannot enjoy the 10-12 hour respite! Engorged breasts are swollen, tender to the touch, and worthy of an adult film. With a swollen chest, it is often hard to lift your arms, wear bras and T-shirts comfortably, and more. Engorged breasts are just another way that breastfeeding hurts!
My solution? Get a breast pump. Stat!
Engorgement is also very common when you are trying to stop breastfeedingbreastfeeding.
3. Breastfeeding comes naturally. It’s simple.
Just because breast milk is an all-natural way of feeding our offspring does not mean it comes naturally. It is not simple. You both have to figure it out. As one nursing mom said:
Nursing is promoted as natural and simple, and that ‘the breast is best!’ when in reality, nothing about nursing (twins especially) feels natural, or is simple, at first. It is embarrassing, awkward, messy, and it hurts. For weeks, not just the first day. And though my babies took to it quickly, a lot of babies don’t. Moms with the best intentions end up feeling inadequate, and often give up too soon.
Your tiny newborn babies can’t support themselves or their heads. They’re super sleepy at first and don’t often want to nurse. Sometimes women’s bodies don’t produce milk like it should, or your letdown is slow, or a host of other things that complicate this natural process. While it seems simple on paper (Bring baby to boob. Babe suckles for 5-30 minutes. Baby’s fed! All done!) it really isn’t for many women. Some never get their milk to come in. Some don’t produce enough milk. Some babies can’t suckle properly. Though breastfeeding is a natural, animalistic quality of human women, the reality is that it doesn’t necessarily come naturally, nor simply (why do you think you have to take breastfeeding classes?).
4. Breastfeeding moms lose that baby weight!
Many women are fed this breastfeeding myth. And many women get frustrated hearing it because it is a lie for them!
While nursing does mean you burn extra calories, it’s not that many calories (~300 a day). Even while nursing twins (and its extra caloric burn), it took me months and months to finally lose all of that baby weight. With my singleton, it took me 10 months to lose those last five pounds, and it was only through diet and exercise.
Breastfeeding is not a guaranteed weight loss tactic.
If you want to shed some weight while nursing, read this post with 11 ways how to lose weight breastfeeding.
5. Introducing a pacifier or a bottle at the hospital (or in the first two weeks) will give your baby nipple confusion.
Just like the last point, this is one of those things that may or may not happen, but tends to just freak out new parents. They are so afraid of nipple confusion, that they postpone introducing pacifiers, or using bottles, sometimes to the detriment of their sanity. I know plenty of nursing mothers who introduced a pacifier or bottle the first day and still successfully breastfed, without a lousy latch or poor sucking patterns later on.
6. Since milk is full of natural anti-bodies your baby won’t get sick.
This is one of the things that breastfeeding advocates love to talk about. It is quite amazing that our bodies create exactly what our babies need, when they need it. But, despite creating these great anti-bodies, breastfed babies will still get sick. My twins got sick. My 10-month old, exclusively breastfed, son has had pneumonia, runny noses, coughs, and the flu in his short life. Breast milk is not a cure-all and will not prevent your son or daughter from getting sick.
7. Breastfed babies will always wake up during the night to feed.
Despite the fact that breast milk is easier to digest than formula for baby’s little tummies, breastfed babies can sleep through the night without having to nurse. My twins slept the the night for months starting at around four months old. My son slept the night by about six weeks old (and then stopped, mostly, by about four months). There have been numerous studies done on the subject of new mom sleep and many prove this breastfeeding myth is indeed false. So, don’t let this breastfeeding lie deter you from nursing. You’ll likely get just as much sleep (or more) as your bottle-feeding counterparts.
8. Breastfed babies aren’t overweight or obese.
People love to look at statistics about obese babies and the higher percentage of them that are bottle-fed. But, just because one child is formula fed, doesn’t mean he will be obese. And just because a child is breastfed, it doesn’t mean they won’t be overweight. (Honestly, I think it’s ridiculous in any case to label a 10-month old as obese…). I have seen some skinny, tiny formula-fed babies, and some crazy chunky breastfed babies.
9. If you send your baby to the hospital nursery, they will never breastfeed well.
One nursing mom had a “well-intentioned” nurse at the hospital who kept telling her that sending her baby to the nursery would mean a poor start to breastfeeding. It didn’t. There are other lies similar to this one, like if you don’t hold and try to nurse your baby immediately after birth that breastfeeding will be difficult (I didn’t see Alison for hours after delivery, and she nursed perfectly the very first time). Then there are those nurses and doctors who insist you supplement at the hospital, especially if your child has jaundice (like two of my nursing friends had happen to them). But, both later didn’t feel like that was as necessary as they were pressured into believing.
10. Exclusively breastfeeding means your period won’t come back!
While I never actually heard of this while reading up on pregnancy and breastfeeding, it definitely seemed to be a popular topic among breastfeeding women themselves, and why some women don’t want to stop breastfeeding: they don’t want their period to come back! However, there is no guarantee that if you breastfeed, your period won’t come back. Some women, like my unlucky self, have their regular period come back by about three or four months postpartum, despite nursing exclusively and/or nursing twins. Other women may have a light period or spotting.
11. Breastfeeding is a natural birth control. You can’t get pregnant while nursing.
I don’t know many people who don’t know that this is a big, fat lie, but in case you don’t know, you absolutely CAN get pregnant while breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not a natural birth control. In fact, you can get pregnant very shortly after giving birth, even before your period returns (see the previous point on that…). So, be smart and careful if you don’t want your children born a year apart.
The Real Reality of Breastfeeding
Despite all of these breastfeeding “lies” and the surprises that come once you start breastfeeding, one of my fans beautifully said:
I was surprised about the bond I feel with my daughter and how much I look forward to nursing her. On the days I work, I really miss those nursing sessions.
Isn’t that a happy surprise of breastfeeding?
I also love nursing my children because of the one-on-one, motherly time it affords us. This was especially true when nursing my twins. I didn’t tandem feed (though check out this post on How do you do it? to learn more about tandem feeding twins) very often because I preferred the individual time with each of my twins, even if it meant listening to the other one cry in their crib the whole time.
Because, the real reality of breastfeeding is that it is a beautiful experience. Your body, your milk, is your child’s life force! You are, in a very powerful way, helping your tiny little babe grow into a not so tiny version of you (or your partner). It is while breastfeeding that I feel like a better mother, because I am personally giving life to my child, sustaining them, comforting them. And my child loves me even more for it. I love creating a unique, loving bond between me and my child.
Plus, after the first three months, breastfeeding doesn’t hurt very often, I develop my groove, my child develops their, and the whole breastfeeding process doesn’t take very long at all.
There a host of great reasons why I choose to breastfeed. So tell me, readers, what do you love about breastfeeding? But, what were some of the surprises you’ve had along the way?
As a follow-up of this post I share seven things I think lactation consultants should be teaching at breastfeeding classes. Please share this post and my other one so we can help empower women on their breastfeeding journey.
Carissa says
Good stuff! I thought that I was prepared and knew enough about breast feeding that I would be able to do it the “right” way and it wouldn’t hurt. HA! The first three weeks were absolutely horrible! But I made it through and then it was easy. I breast fed by girl for 15 months and will definitely do it again with any future babies.
Katelyn Fagan says
Right! I thought it would be easy too, but those first few weeks get me every time! However, after that it is mostly smooth sailing.
Judith @WholeHeartedHome says
I agree that breastfeeding hurts. I have breastfed 4 babies, and bottle fed three (which included twins without a dishwasher). It is encouraging to see all this great information on breastfeeding. I am linked up next to you over at WJIM today.
Katelyn Fagan says
Bottle feeding without a dishwasher is SO not fun! Thanks for visiting and commenting Judith! And congrats on 7 babies!
The Monko says
I know someone who didn’t realise that breastfeeding being a natural contraceptive was a big fat lie – she has the baby to prove it!
Thanks for linking up to the Sunday Parenting Party, these posts are so useful for new mums. I’ll be sharing this on our Pinterest board.
Julia says
As a huge breastfeeding advocate, I love reading these kinds of post! This list is amazing and all so true! Breastfeeding was not a weight loss aid for me, my body actually clings onto the pounds! Boo! I have written about breastfeeding a lot on blog and I would love to share this list! I’m pinning to share!
Katelyn Fagan says
Thank you for commenting! I’m sorry the pounds are clinging on! Boo indeed! Thanks for sharing too!
annie says
I agree the nipple Confusion is way blown out of proportion.my daughter was in NICU and had to start out being tube fed and then later bottle fed which the nurses always gave a paci for her to suck on for comfort and finally about a day before she was discharged they let her feed at my breast.she latched great the first time.i continued to supplement and give a paci and she did perfectly fine. 🙂 pacifiers can be amazing to help soothe and parents shouldn’t be scared to use them out of fear of nipple confusion.
Caroline (BecomingaSAHM) says
Great post and so true – I wish this kind of information was available to you as a new mummy so you don’t feel like such a wimp or failure for stuggling with it or being in pain! Visiting from Monday’s Parenting Pin It Party xx
Hezzi-D says
I’m not a parent but I found this article very interesting. I’ve heard a lot of these myths and just assumed them to be true!
Paula says
This is a great post. I am a granny now and also a Registered Nurse. Much of the medical community is responsible for lots of these myths. I bottle fed one child and breastfed the other. You are right about the sore nipples. Can’t stress that enough. Worst part of nursing ever, in my opinion. But if you can stick it out it without a doubt creates a very special bond.
Katelyn Fagan says
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I do agree, if you can just stick it out, the bond and the ease of breastfeeding is great!
Joanna Sormunen says
This is great information! I had mastitis during the time I was breastfeeding my son and it sure hurt. Many times people are just too black and white. And not everyone is the same.
Rebekah says
Great post! I know for myself some of these myths have been true in one breastfeeding reltaionship while not in another. With my oldest nursing was very painfl for the first few weeks, even though he was latching correctly. With my second baby, after a nursing break of 6 months, breastfeeding was not painful at all. DS1 it was hhard to lose the baby weight, with DS2 it was easy.
Thank you for this informative post! Pinning!
Katelyn Fagan says
Thank you so much for the comment and for sharing! Each kid is totally different for sure.
cass@frugalfamily. says
Thanks for joining in with the Parenting Pin It Party this week.
Kristen says
SO true! My first baby wouldn’t latch and I had a lot of problems. My second was an unmediated birth and the pain of breastfeeding far surpassed the labor! No joke. You’re right on. 🙂
< Kristen
http://www.wherejoyis.blogspot.com
Caroline @ Anchored In His Grace says
Great points! I’ve breastfed all 5 of my children, and I completely agree with everything you stated. I gave all of them a pacifier from day 1 (which helped my sanity), 1 of my babies had formula supplemented from his first week of life (again…sanity), 2 of my babies were exclusively breastfed for their first year of life & happened to be the sick children of the bunch (really sick, as in every few weeks sick), and all of my babies very in size. Some tiny, and some super large. I’ll add to point #9, I used that nursery as much as I could (they brought me baby when (s)he was hungry) because I knew that as soon as I got home & wouldn’t be resting much at all. Thanks again for sharing this; I found you @ Babies & Beyond link-up. 🙂
Yuliya says
You have some fantastic points! My son is still nursing (18 months old, eek), and he was sleeping through the night pretty early, and also stopped at about six months for several months.
I also got mastitis a few times and definitely agree with points number 1 and 2. Ouch! My grandmother was mystified that I was engorged when kiddo was about 10 months old. Yea… it happens!
Darby Dugger says
Loved this. I have breastfed all four of my babies and disliked every single moment! It hurt, I have had mastitis 11 times between all 4 of them! It certainly doesn’t come natural to me…. so I loved the honestly of this post. I am pregnant with #5 and intend to breastfeed again because it is best for the baby… but ugh! 🙂 So, thank you!
Jelli says
I completely agree with #3, 7, and 11. I’m currently BFing my 6 month-old and nursed my daughter for 20 months. I definitely had pain with my first child for a couple of weeks, but after that it didn’t hurt except for the pain of engorgement at night, especially after she started sleeping for 12 hour stretches. Thanks for sharing from your own experience and that of other moms. I wish I’d found this when I was pregnant with my first.
Becka says
I’m still breastfeeding my youngest and you are right it does hurt but it’s worth it. 🙂
Molly Young says
This is such a GREAT article for new mommies!! I was so worried something would go wrong with my first baby that would make me unable to breastfeed but I am so thankful I worked at it and stuck with it! It was such a sweet sweet blessing! =)
Rachel@ {i love} my disorganized life says
So true how they tell you one thing and another happens! I worked with a man (many years ago) who’s wife was expecting. Her Dr actually told her to rub sandpaper on her nipples to toughen then up so nursing would’d hurt! Can you imagine?! Where do people come up with this stuff? Glad you have shed some light on this subject, new moms need to know!
Brittnei says
Honestly, I’ve never heard a really good source say any of these myths about breastfeeding lol. My son is one of the kids who has never had the flu or the common cold. It will be 2 years of nursing for him in 2 more months :). He’s had a fever a few times but I think this all isn’t just about breastfeeding. For families who vaccinate, the vaccines often have an immediate effect where they may get cold like symptoms or fevers, etc. This is only one factor but foods we eat, how quickly and how often we’re around viruses might play a factor into this too. Thanks so much for sharing these myths with us. Even though I’ve never heard of them, if someone has, it’s good to know they aren’t true for people who have.
April says
I agree with most of what you said. It’s been great for me on the period thing and birth control. I got pregnant with my second daughter, as soon as I stopped breastfeeding! The pain, oh the pain! Miss B gnawed on me. There’s no amount of lactation consulting that would stop it. I nursed her for a full YEAR before, yet it was so painful the whole way through. My nipples have muscle memory for the pain with 4G. LOL! Thank you for linking up and sharing with Countdown in Style.
Melissa @Serendipity and Spice says
This is a great list! I breast feed my little man for about 6 months and had to supplement with formula. It definitely wasn’t easy….and the point about not getting your period while breastfeeding is right on! I got my period exactly 30 days after I stopped bleeding from his birth. It’s crazy all the different things that you hear when having a baby. I love this list! I think it’s fantastic how long you have been able to breast feed your children….sometimes I wish I had continued on with my little guy but I have to remind myself I did the best I could at the time and he’s a very healthy happy little man. 🙂
Amber says
THANK YOU for this post! Breastfeeding has been a difficult and painful journey for me, and I was fed so many of these lies that I kept thinking I was doing something wrong because it still hurt a couple of months in. Glad to know I’m not the only one!
Amber @ http://www.applestoapplique.com
Erika says
I breast fed 4 kids. My 1st, I breastfed for 16 months while working 40+ hours a week (pumped manually in restroom every day!), my second for 1year, third child for 6 months (had health problems), and my youngest for 10 months. I can honestly say, it was tremendously different every time! But extremely rewarding each time! I have a bond with my children that is so strong. I gave them life by nourishing each one. I tell my 2 girls, that no, it wasn’t easy, but I hope they do the same for their kids. Because it gives you an instant bond to your baby. I wouldn’t change one moment of pain, not sleeping, or sometimes even frustration, for anything! I gave my kids 9 months of life inside my womb, & life outside by breastfeeding! I am very proud that I did it, too!
Katelyn Fagan says
Awe! What a great comment Erika! Thank you! How beautiful! You should be proud. I think it is a great accomplishment and that our bodies truly are amazing.
Julie says
This is a good list with a lot of helpful info, for sure! I do want to counter the myth that if a woman says it doesn’t hurt then she probably didn’t nurse. I nursed my 1st for 15 months and am still nursing my 17 month old. Sure, I had some sore nipples, engorgement is no fun, let-down is weird at first and bites sting but I never experienced severe pain. If a mom is experiencing toe curling, worse than natural labor pain then I think it at least warrants being seen by lactation people to see if there is anything that might help (maybe nothing will help, but it can’t hurt to check). Nursing is often different for each baby; some women will experience pain while others won’t and some babies will suffer from nipple confusion while others won’t. I think moms sharing their stories so other moms don’t feel alone and know that they are supported in making whatever decisions are best for them is so important — This post is perfect at doing just that!
Katelyn Fagan says
Thank you! Yes, I have been amazed at all the great comments from women sharing their stories and perspectives. I agree – getting help is important! And it shouldn’t have to be so painful. But, before you figure it out and/or get help, it can be very painful for some women.