It’s ok to admit that you are scared to get pregnant after a miscarriage. All that anxiety and uncertainty comes rushing back. But if you really want to overcome it, read on for some amazing and supportive tips.

Having a miscarriage is a pretty horrible experience. All your hope, excitement, and even fears are dashed for the new life that was growing inside of you. And it is because of the horribleness of the experience, that you wonder if you should ever try to get pregnant again because of the fear that this horrible event may happen again. You don’t want another loss. Pregnancy after miscarriage is a scary endeavor.
My Miscarriage Story
I had two very subsequent, short pregnancies that resulted in miscarriages in the 4th week of gestation, followed immediately by a pregnancy terminated in miscarriage at 7 weeks gestation. I had three back-to-back miscarriages. The last one was the hardest, as it seemed to be the bright ray of hope during a very difficult time for my family.
We had also told my family at Thanksgiving that I was 5 weeks pregnant. And then I miscarried two weeks later. At 7 weeks pregnant I had begun to feel pregnant, with some bloating, gas, fatigue, and had received a real estimated due date of July 24, 2012, as we had even met with a doctor.
And this miscarriage came with painful cramps, way worse bleeding than a regular period, and passing of what I believe was the fetus. With every swipe, I was saddened to know it represented what wasn’t to be.
So, the thought of having to go through that all again was haunting. Needless to say, we took several months off from our baby-making endeavors (plus, life was a bit complicated at the time). We ended up conceiving again in July of 2012, shortly before the due date of our last miscarried pregnancy.
And I felt a little selfish to be pregnant again before that baby would have been born. Or if not selfish, a little sad that we weren’t welcoming a child then, but only just beginning a new pregnancy for a “replacement” to that previous one.
While such a statement is not true, as I do remember the miscarriages, and the lives that were very short-lived, it can be how one can feel getting pregnant again after a miscarriage.
It can also, unfortunately, be a statement many unknowing friends and family members can make to help you feel better after your loss. But, a loss is a loss is a loss. There is no replacing that unique combination of chromosomes and genes and DNA. Another child will bless your life for sure, but it will never be that child you lost.
READ: How to Cope With a Miscarriage if you need help mourning your loss.
Thankfully this new pregnancy did not end in miscarriage, but a healthy, 9.5 lb baby boy, 22″ long, born via VBAC at 41 weeks 6 days gestation. He is an amazing child who wins the heart of just about every woman in sight with his big blue eyes and long dark lashes and adorable smile. We are so glad he’s a part of our family. I’m sure the children we miscarried would have also been amazing. But, it just wasn’t meant to be. We know it was God’s will, and we understand that perhaps it just wasn’t the right time to be adding on to our family.
But, having personally gone through a miscarriage, I am also now blessed with that firsthand understanding of heartache of miscarriage and can relate to a large number of women in a way I could not have before.
At the time of my losses, I also felt an outpouring of love from so many women who had also suffered through miscarriages, some many, many times over. Many offered advice as to what may be causing them (low counts of certain hormones, for instance). And I am thankful that I chose to share to transparent with the world, and share my rare emotions and feeling here on my blog.
The FEAR of Another Miscarriage
The thing about having one miscarriage is that you always fear another, no matter if you go on to have a successful birth and healthy child afterward.
I am pregnant again. And even though I successfully had a pregnancy after miscarriage, resulting in my adorable 21-month-old son, I have a lot of fear of miscarrying again with this pregnancy, even now still at 11 weeks gestation (in part because we haven’t seen the doctor yet – next week).
The thing is that this new pregnancy is almost exactly like my last miscarried pregnancy. The due date is only two days different. We again told people we were pregnant at Thanksgiving when my husband “accidentally” told our friends that he was thankful for family, and for addition (he’s a mathematician). The women, of course, said, “WHAT? Are you pregnant Katelyn?” And the answer is yes. I am pregnant.
But, part of me is still almost waiting to see spotting, to see red, the next time I go to the bathroom. The fear is still real, and still there. But, nothing has happened: all indicators are good that everything is healthy and normal in this new pregnancy (as far as I can tell), with a steadily growing abdomen, indigestion, aversion to food, and serious fatigue.
Nothing is indicating that this pregnancy will terminate. But, I still haven’t heard that beautiful, fast little heartbeat at the doctor’s office. I still haven’t seen my child (or children?) on the grainy black and white ultrasound machine.
Even after I do visit the doctor next week, I may still have this fear. I do think about how I could miscarry again, even when past that 12 or 13-week mark. I am not guaranteed that once past the first trimester, that high-risk of miscarrying zone, that my baby will make it full-term or that my baby will be born alive.
Pregnancy is a risky business with many unknowns. And you put yourself, your life, on the line in the hopes of a beautiful, healthy child. But, it doesn’t always work out like we hope, like we pray, like we desire, in one way or another.
The HOPE of A New Life
But, I truly believe we are given trials and difficulties for a reason. And that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are worth the fear, the questions, the doubt, and the unknowns. God is with you. And though we don’t always understand why we sometimes don’t get to meet our child, or why we have a child who isn’t healthy, or why we only have them for a short period of time, I believe there’s a reason, if we but seek God’s will to know it. Sometimes the answer will manifest itself years later, or perhaps never fully answer itself in this life, but there is a reason.
I will continue to pray that this baby growing inside of me will be able to meet me and his or her siblings, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I hope that I won’t have a miscarriage (ever) again. But, I know that whatever does happen, it’s in God’s hand. And I will accept what He gives.
Ultimately, I know that I should never let fear decide whether I choose to submit myself to pregnancy again, because even if I do end up having multiple miscarriages, I am still doing my part to fulfill God’s will and plan for my family – to bear children, to raise a family, to be a mother.
And I believe that choosing to accept any difficulties, pain, and grief will result in untold blessings from heaven, and perhaps even a chance to raise these unborn children in the afterlife. I choose not to fear, but to hope that all good things, like pregnancy and motherhood, are a blessing to me and those I love if I choose to embrace and accept them, no matter how they may unfold.
God is in control. Have hope that good will come from your faith to try again after a miscarriage.
If you have experienced a miscarriage, how has it affected your subsequent pregnancies or desire to conceive again?
Pregnancy After Miscarriage – How To Grieve
Be sure to read my follow-up post on coping with miscarriage if you need help processing your loss.
Abby says
Thank you for this post! I miscarried my first baby at 8 weeks last June. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with another baby and my heart has been wrenched with fear! I know God has a plan, and I absolutely trust Him. I just know that if He chooses to, He can take this baby. My husband and I have such a strong desire to be parents, and at 32 and 39 we feel like time is just slipping by.
I love my first baby so much, and I will always feel some sorrow that I was never able to meet him/her. I think I will always think about how old that baby would be, and wonder what they may have looked like. I am trying to trust God and be grateful for each day with this new little one. My mom reminded me that none of us know what tomorrow holds. We will miss many beautiful moments in the present if we are consumed with worry about the future. So I continue to pray and celebrate each passing day with this baby. I am so grateful to read the comments from other women who have been through similar things. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
Katelyn Fagan says
May God bless you with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby and calm your fears in the meantime. 🙂
Annalisa says
We had a miscarriage just about a year ago. I was present with my body; so I was aware that things probably weren’t going to last. (I was able to start the grieving process sooner.) My husband, however, had a much harder time with it. We were due in early December 2016. We got pregnant again in early November 2016. For me I didn’t feel sad, like it was a replacement baby or that I could have been holding a baby in my arms instead of a positive pregnancy test. But I think a big part of that is that my mother went through something similar. She also miscarried her first child. When I was little, I would say things like “I wish you hadn’t miscarried (right?) because then I’d have a sibling older than my [annoying] older brother, and he or she would protect me.” But my mother told me that if she hadn’t lost the first baby that my brother couldn’t have been born (because the gestational periods also overlapped). And as much as my brother and I fought, I wouldn’t have wished him gone. So, with this pregnancy, I just keep that in my head: as much as I loved and wanted my first baby, I love and want this baby too, and I couldn’t imagine not carrying him/her right now.
Katelyn Fagan says
Great perspective!! Many blessings to you.
Samantha says
I had a miscarriage 7 weeks ago tomorrow. I was 16 weeks pregnant. My fiance and I were so incredibly excited for the baby. I didnt find out I was pregant until i was 9 weeks pregnant already and then once I realized I was pregnant, and then was unable to make an appointment due to insurance problems. I for some reason up until 13 weeks was terrified of a miscarriage. I didnt want to tell anyone but my closest friwnds about my pregnancy just in case. But once i reached the second trimester and was “out of the danger zone” i let myself breathe. I told anybody and everybody i could. I was so excited and my fiance already had a name picked out. Penelope Violetta for a girl and Matteo Gregory (family name) for a boy. I went in for an appointment on Saturday, December 16th with a new OB doctor as the previous one, we realized, had terrible reviews. This doctor wanted to do a full checkup seeing as i had never been there before. I had some mild cramping that morning when i woke up they continued till the appointment at 2 o clock. I brought it up with the doctor and she aaid it was just ligament pain and not to worry. By then they were pretty painful and i kept stressing that point but she kept brushing it aside. She then tried to do a sonogram to find the babys heartbeat. She couldnt find one. Again, she kept ignoring my claims that i was 16 weeks as well as previous doctors paperwork and said ” theres no way you’re 16 weeks i would be able to get a heartbeat if u were 16 weeks. I believe that you are pregnant, i dont believe you are 16 weeks. “She then did a pelic exam and told me i had blood in my cavity but that it was completely normal. However the cramps got worse and worse to what i realized were actually contractions. My fiance ran me to the hospital straight from the appointment. The contractions were horrible and very close together by then. I waited in the ER for half an hour when i felt something weird. I stood up and my water broke. I looked at my fiance and he just knew. He took me to the bathroom and helped me sit down while i bled everywhere. He ran to get a nurse. Within 15 minutes of lying on a hospital bed i passed/pushed out my baby. I had to pick up my, obviously 16 week old baby, and place it in a bedpan
I, for a brief moment, held my dead baby in my arms. I still keep track of where my baby would have been at. Right now she would have been almost 23 weeks(gestation). I never got to figure out why she died. I hurt so much. I think about it all day everyday and never got to tell anyone what happend. I was too broken to tell anyone that i delivered my baby, i had contrations and my water broke and we had names picked out for a baby we would never know. My fiance wants to try for a baby again, as soon as im ready, but i dont know when ill ever be ready. I keep blaming myself even though i know its no use
I just keep wondering why my baby died and what i did that caused it and im too scared to get pregant and have that baby die too without ever knowing WHY! I drank before i found out i was pregnant (only twice but even still i always worry). I didnt take prenatal vitamins prior to 9 weeks. I was unable to eat anything until i was 13 weeks because of nausea (i had horrible, horrible nausea to the point where literally anything i ate, including saltine crackers, i would throw up. I ended up having to quit my job because i was just constantly throwing up and as i worked with food… well it just wasnt safe.) And i didnt go to the doctors until 12 weeks. I am always wondering if it was because of these things that i miscarried. Maybe if I just forced myself to eat more. If i got earlier care. If i took my prenatal vitamins earlier. Anything. I keep looking at my apps telling me where my baby would be at this time and mourning what will never be. I just needed to get my story out tbere and tell it to someone who understands what its like. Please pray for me.
Katelyn Fagan says
I am so sorry Samantha!! It’s so hard, but try NOT to beat yourself up about what you did or didn’t do! That isn’t helping you to grieve and move forward. I will pray for you sweetie.
Carmen-Rebekah says
I just went through my 6th miscarriage. My husband and I have been fighting woth this fear of miscarriage, and I really needed to read this today. The fear compounding when I think maybe it is God’s plan for us because I should not be a mother. It’s hard to even work up the nerve to tell our families I’m pregnant anymore.
Hannah Flirr says
I have experienced a miscarriage and it was and is heartbreaking. I thought that I would never be able to get over such a horrible loss, and now with a second pregnancy, I am so terrified that it will end in miscarriage that I am not excited. All I have ever wanted is a baby and every time I thought about the possibility I was overwhelmed with happiness. It makes me feel like a robot that I am not excited, and I know it is out of fear, I use to believe in god, but after that miscarriage I find it hard to believe that their is someone up their looking out for us. If there was, I believe he wouldn’t wish this fear and heartbreak on anyone. I was prepared and ready for my last baby and was looking forward to meet the baby, and then when I found out, I climbed into a depression so deep I almost couldn’t climb out.
I find it SO hard to believe a god is there. I hope, and hope and hope that this baby will be a full term, healthy baby but it is so unpredictable. I am so sorry to anyone else who has gone through a loss of a baby and send my thoughts to you, but you shouldn’t think that god holds your babies life in his hands and that you should just deal with a miscarriage because “God said it wasn’t time” because that is just not good enough.
Lover of God and People says
Hannah,
I felt the deep need to respond to your post. I could hear the absolute pain poured out of your heart in your words and I want you to know I understand. I too have walked through a miscarriage just a few months ago. I was crying out to the Lord for hope in what seemed like a hopeless time and I can tell you He is the hope giver. He met me right in that moment and immediately gave me a scripture verse I have been able to hang onto to this very day. I hadn’t attend church in a few weeks and the day I attended a women stood up and shared that she felt like a women there that day had miscarried and the Lord wanted her to know He hasn’t left her side and He is holding you through ever moment. I knew the Lord was reassuring me He was carrying me through this trying time. There are just things in life that are unexplainable. Death came into the world because of us. God is the giver of life and all things good. I know it it easy to want to find someone to cast blame on, and you know what God gets blamed all the time for horrible things but I know with all my being He is a good God and He is love. He comforts all who mourn. I am here for you if you ever need to talk.
Yvetta says
Last year during my 28th birthday weekend I lost my first baby. I was 7 weeks in when it happen. I had experienced brown discharge days before and went to the hospital and was told that it I might be having a spontaneous miscarriage along with a blood bubble next to my uterus. I was super scared. I was told not to worry and that my body could either miscarry or continue the pregnancy. So I just continued with my plans to try and keep my mind off of it. But 2days after my birthday while I was walking in the pride parade with my family I started to feel intense cramps to the point I couldn’t walk anymore. I was placed on a float to get to the end. Somehow I was separated from my family and husband. I was terrified! I got of the float and limped to the next bus stop I could see so I could sit. Once I sat down the pain grew intensely, it didn’t feel like period pains it was something way more intense. I found myself balled up on a bus bench crying frantically because of the intense pain only to be followed by blood gushing(please excuse the graphics). My husband and mother eventually found me. My mom held me til our Uber could arrive (took about an hour). I was in full panic mode at this point but I was told to get a maxi pad to monitor the bleeding. I bleed through my skirt, my car seats , and a pillow I slept with. The next morning I went to the restroom and that’s when my baby came out. I had no clue what to do but go to the hospital. There I was told the baby pretty much was no longer inside me but just some tissue I needed to pass. I was devastated! I cried for days. I told myself that I couldn’t go through that again. I was in total fear of another miscarriage. I went to the doctors for my follow ups to make sure my levels were going down as they should. I felt blah to everyone including my husband. I knew in my heart there was no way I could do this any time in the near future.
But here I am almost a year later 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow ! I can’t lie I’m still very anxious and very scared. But I’m also extremely hopeful and pray everyday for a healthy baby. I’ve shared my story with very few people but I really hope this helps someone. Trying again is soo terrifying after a miscarriage but the love you feel is also so strong for your growing baby.
Katelyn Fagan says
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with me and my audience! Congratulations on your new pregnancy! May it continue to go well for you, and that some of your fear and anxiety will go away so you can fully enjoy this new gift and second chance.
Diana says
Pregnancy after miscarriage is terrifying. My husband and I have been going through infertility, trying to get pregnant for about 3 years and finally got pregnant in October of last year through IVF. We were beyond excited and never really thought about miscarriage and just assumed the pregnancy would be normal and by the summer we would have our baby. That isn’t how it worked out for us though. We did have an ultrasound at 7 weeks at the IVF clinic and we saw a strong heartbeat and they told us we had a viable pregnancy, so we were discharged to my regular OB. I got scheduled for my first appointment with them at the 10 week mark and at that appointment they tried to do the doppler and didn’t pick up a heartbeat but didn’t seem concerned and sent us for an ultrasound. At the ultrasound the tech wasn’t very talkative and we knew something was wrong and she had us go back to the waiting room until she called us back shortly after with the doctor on the phone to tell us there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped growing two days after our initial ultrasound, but my body didn’t recognize it so I ended up having a missed miscarriage. I never even knew that was a thing until it happened to me. I am currently pregnant again, but because of the missed miscarriage I am terrified of another one happening and question every little thing because my body didn’t recognize the miscarriage the first time I am worried that it could happen again.
Katelyn Fagan says
I am so sorry!! But, have hope. Each pregnancy is different. Good luck dear!
Sarah says
I am so glad I stumbled across this post. On December 11, 2020, I went in for a 9 week ultrasound to find that baby was measuring 6 weeks and had no heartbeat. One week later, we had that confirmed with a second ultrasound that showed the same thing. My midwife suggested I wait, so my body would miscarry naturally. The worst part about missed miscarriages is having your grieving process paused because the bad thing hasn’t happened yet. On Christmas Day, 3 weeks after the first devastating ultrasound, I finally started miscarrying. Perfect timing, right? However, I started hemorrhaging and lost nearly 30% of the blood in my body. I had to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency D & C and have spent the last three weeks slowly recovering from blood loss, the loss of my baby, and trying to overcome the first stages of PTSD from the whole experience. But God…
He has held me through all of this, and comforted me in ways I could never fully understand. I am terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again and the possibility of losing another one. But God has encouraged me that HE is in control, and HE works everything for His good. I cannot see how this awful experience will be worked for good, except that it has brought me closer to Him, shown me how much my church really cares, and could potentially allow me to encourage someone else some day. I am praying that God allows me to carry and deliver a healthy, full-term baby again, but until then, I will snuggle my nearly 3 year old until she begs me to stop, and then I will snuggle her some more.