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Thanksgiving and Christmas have now officially come and gone. But, the values talked about during those holidays – gratitude and thankfulness – need to live on throughout the year in our homes, and in the lives of ourselves and our children. When asking other parents what values they want instilled in their kids, gratitude and thankfulness usually rank fairly high, because no one wants to raise a spoiled, entitled child. We all want our children to understand where blessings and good things come from.

However, I feel like gratitude and thankfulness are hard concepts to teach, let alone instill, within a young child. My twin daughters are now three and a half. And I can assure you they don’t appreciate everything they have. But, I know that we have done several things over their short life to at least try to instill within them a thankful heart. *An affiliate link is used in this post.*

Saying “Thank You”

Like (I’m assuming) every parent out there, we taught our kids at a very early age to say “Please” and “Thank You.” At first we taught them these using sign language (thanks to Baby Signing Time). When they no longer needed to sign these words and could talk clearer, we still expected them to use these words in their communication to us and others.

We strongly urge and remind our children to be polite and thankful when they receive gifts or treats. We worked hard at Halloween, doing some role-playing before going trick-or-treating, about what you do and say when knocking on doors and receiving candy. The girls generally did a good job of saying “Thank you.”  On Sundays, when they receive some candy from our Bishop, we make sure they tell him thank you as well.

Thinking about others is part of gratitude.

But, even more important to us, is that our children know to be thankful and grateful to members of their families, especially toward their parents. While I don’t need my children to say “Thank you” after everything I do for them (motherhood is selfless work), I do want them to be aware that life does not revolve around them. Sometimes others sacrifice their time, talents, and/or energy in order to give to them. I want my children to be aware of that and be thankful for it. It can also be very rude to not acknowledge the giver, and only admire the gift.

That’s why we focus a lot of our prayers on saying thanks. I bemoan that our daughters no longer pray as well as they did six months ago. Alison mostly refuses to pray by herself, and when she does pray, we often have to supply all of the words for her. Before she stopped wanting to pray, she used to pray by giving thanks for everything she saw in the room around her, or by simply giving thanks for Mommy and Daddy, repeatedly. Lisa’s prayers have also diminished in thoughtfulness for whatever reason, though she used to say thank you to Heavenly Father for the things we had done that day, or for her grandparents, or church, or temples, or Jesus. It was adorable and wonderful to hear our children giving thanks to their God.

Since our daughters prayers have become less than awesome in giving thanks, a few days ago, I started asking the girls to give me 1-5 things they were thankful for, holding up that many fingers. They loved doing it, and we would end up doing several rounds of things we were thankful for, myself included in on the game. I try to do this at bed time before our evening family prayer, in the hopes that they will say these things in their prayers.

Modeling Thankfulness

My husband and I work hard to remind ourselves to say please and thank you to each other and to our children.  Sometimes it’s hard. But, I have discovered, that it gets easier the more you do it. I try to ask nicely of my husband, my children, and others. I say thank you to strangers who hold open doors or check us out at the store. I tell my kids thank you when they listen, when they help, and when they make good choices. I know that if I, as a parent, am not incorporating thankfulness and gratitude in my approach to life and the receiving of gifts, it will be hard for my children to instill those same values into their hearts, lives, and actions.

The Fruits of Our Labor

I have to say, I love hearing my kids give me thanks and praise, especially unprompted. I like to think they are beginning to understand what it means to be grateful. One day Alison, upon coming home to see her bedroom picked up, vacuumed, and bed made, loudly said, “Thank you Mommy!! Thank you!” with the biggest happiest Alison smile ever: it pretty much made my entire day!  She has on many other occasions thanked me for doing this or that.  Her sister also gives thanks and hugs to show her gratitude. And I sincerely appreciate it!!  I also often hear them say thank you in their pretend play and to each other. I only hope such expressions of my kids gratitude will continue to increase over the coming years.

How have you worked to instill gratitude and a thankful heart in your children?

I hope you have you been enjoying our Instilling Values in Our Kids series on What’s up Fagans?  In case you’ve missed some….

More Posts about Instilling Values in Kids:

• Instilling Values in Our Kids: Introduction
• Instilling Gratitude and Thankfulness
• Instilling Faith in Jesus Christ
• Instilling Kindness – #TackyBoxKindness
• Instilling the Value of Service
• Instilling the Value of Humor
• Teaching Children the Importance of Work
• Have Your Child Plan Their Own Birthday Party
• The Importance of Agency and Making Good Choices
• Honesty and Stealing – Butterfingers and Sticky Fingers
• Developing Girl’s Positive Self-Esteem
• Cleaning up {Life’s} Messes

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