Once upon a time I was sitting in the waiting area of a WIC office with my young twins.  My children were toddling around, playing with the cheap plastic table and chairs in the room, doing their normal thing.  Another child was running around and being a little crazy.  He was probably about two years old.  While he was acting up a bit, it was his mother’s words that still haunt me… She told her son that he was pure evil and mean.

I was horrified.  I do not understand how a (loving) mother could call her two year old son evil.  While I know firsthand that children don’t act like perfect angels as they age and they can be mean to others, I would never call my child evil, especially not to his or her face. (Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecies?) Kids making good choices or bad choices are not a reflection on their inherent natures or their individual worth.

Children are not evil

But, I also wouldn’t call a child evil because I sincerely believe that children are innocent (or at least amoral until around the age of eight) and definitely not evil or from the devil.  Children are from God and a blessing.  While children certainly hit, yell, scream, punch, jump, destroy, disobey, and cause problems, they are children. Children do not know what is right and what is wrong.  They are learning that!  And it is one of the biggest responsibilities we have as parents to teach our children what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, and what is right and what is wrong. 

In my church we often use the phrase “Choose the Right,”  and sport CTR rings.  The phrase is akin to the ever popular Christian adage “What would Jesus do?” and its accompanying WWJD rings.  Either way, the thought is the same – Jesus would make the right choices, so we should too.

In life we are ultimately left with two choices – to choose liberty and eternal life, or choose captivity and death (2 Nephi 2:27).  We are on this earth to use our God-given agency to prove ourselves.  We are here to learn, grow, and become more like Christ.

But, children don’t know Jesus like we do (yet).  They don’t know all of his teachings or how their actions affect others.  Children (really all of us) are very selfish by nature and have a hard time looking outside of themselves.  Parents need to help children think about others, as Jesus commanded us to love one another, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you (aka the Golden Rule).

Teaching kids about good and bad choices

I have found that simply telling my children to “be nice” or “share” does not work very effectively.  (We use “taking turns” instead of “share.”)  For whatever reason, I have found that using the words “good choice” and “bad choice” help my children understand their actions.

The key to this discipline and teaching method is emphasizing the nature of their choices, and not their personal natures. I am telling them that the choice they made was bad, not that they are bad. I also like to emphasize what good choices are.  We’ll play a game where I present a situation and ask them if it was a good choice or a bad choice.  I also try to emphasize that Jesus makes good choices, and that we should make good choices like He does.  I also work hard to praise my children’s good choices, specifically saying that is was a good choice and that I’m glad they made that decision.

But, when my child misbehaves, lies, or throws a tantrum, I put them in time out.  When time out is over, I talk to them about why they are in time out.  I emphasize that they made a bad or poor choice.  I ask them to tell me what a good choice would have been, and what they should/could do next time.

I also like to point out to my twins (who like to throw the other one under the bus) that just because someone else is making a bad choice, it does not make it okay for you to make a bad choice, too.  This principle is so important (how to resist peer pressure and stand up for what is right) that I even taught this principle to the six year-olds in my Sunday school class. As I entered the room, one of them was pounding the chalk eraser on the carpet.  He tried blaming his poor actions and choice on the fact that so-and-so was doing it first.  But, God will hold us accountable for our own actions, and not the actions of another.  Two wrongs do not make a right.

My children (and those in my Sunday school class) really seemed to respond well to these discussions. They are slowly understanding that there are good and bad choices, and that each type of choice has a consequence.

Poor choices have poor consequences.  Good choices have good consequences and rewards.  The ultimate reward of a righteous life is a place in Heaven with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  While we can’t always see the immediate results of our good actions and decisions today, this month, this year, and some even in this lifetime, our actions are recorded in Heaven, and God who sees all, will reward us handsomely for obeying his Word.

Are your kids making good choices?  How have you worked to instill the value of good choices in your children?  And does phrasing things a certain way make a difference in your child’s understanding?

More Posts about Instilling Values in Kids:

• Instilling Values in Our Kids: Introduction
• Instilling Gratitude and Thankfulness
• Instilling Faith in Jesus Christ
• Instilling Kindness – #TackyBoxKindness
• Instilling the Value of Service
• Instilling the Value of Humor
• Teaching Children the Importance of Work
• Have Your Child Plan Their Own Birthday Party
• The Importance of Agency and Making Good Choices
• Honesty and Stealing – Butterfingers and Sticky Fingers
• Developing Girl’s Positive Self-Esteem
• Cleaning up {Life’s} Messes

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